The Nature of Caprices
by connanro-chan
Summary: An over-caffeinated and sleep-deprived Tim creates the perfect opportunity for humorous hijinks. There's blackmail involved. Written for day two of Batfam Week. Prompt: Shenanigans.


Tim's slumped over at the computer in Bruce's chair, typing haphazardly and muttering under his breath when Jason pulls into the cave on his motorcycle at around two in the morning. It really isn't that late for them, but. Tim.

Jason knows for a fact that Tim hasn't slept properly in at least two days, and this makes him vulnerable. He's over-caffeinated. He'll be completely open to attack. Jason's already managed to change his ringtone three times without Tim catching him-which usually takes a lot of skill and effort, as Tim's phone has some excellent security, and the only time he lets it out of eyesight is when he sets it down and forgets about its existence. Which doesn't happen very often.

(Jason's still relishing the memory of the horrified noise Tim made when his phone blasted the Red Robin jingle at full volume during the pre-patrol strategy meeting in the cave.)

It's pure luck that Steph is in the cave. They exchange a knowing, conspiratorial look, and approach the chair in which Tim is continuing to make irritated noises as he types what is either complete gibberish or a very complicated code. Tim doesn't seem to have realized that he's got the file up on the display monitor that they usually use specifically for meetings, rather than just the smaller monitor directly in front of him.

He and Steph are almost in range now, crouching a few feet from the swivel chair. She's grinning broadly, looking almost predatory. Tim types on, obliviously.

Jason stands up right behind Tim, sings out "Reeeed Robin!" at top volume. Tim jumps about a foot in the air. "What the-" he starts, before Steph emerges on the other side of the chair with a "Yum!". Tim jerks to look at her, his face scrunching up in irritation. "Are you done?" he says. "Seriously?"

"Yup," Steph says, popping the p. Jason high-fives her over the back of the chair. Tim scowls. He reaches out for the mug on the desk that was presumably once full of coffee, but he doesn't seem to notice that it's empty until he takes a gulp of air. He stares balefully at it.

"Why isn't there coffee in this," he says. He sounds as though the universe had committed a grievous offence against him. Steph is smothering a laugh.

"Uh," says Jason. "I don't know if you know this, but when you drink all of the coffee in your cup it becomes empty. As in, no longer containing coffee."

Tim turns his baleful eye on Jason. His dark circles are so deep that he looks more like a raccoon than a robin. "That," he says firmly, "is stupid."

Steph laughs. "I think you need to sleep, Ex-Boyfriend Wonder."

Tim looks offended at the suggestion. "Sleep is for the weak," he says. "And I'm working."

Jason looks up at the monitor again. He's now almost certain that the contents of the document Tim's been typing in are nonsense. "What even _is_ this?"

"It's a search algorithm," Tim says, as though this is the most obvious thing in the world. "So that when Penguin tries to resurrect bouncers to keep us off his back we'll be able know their weaknesses."

Steph has pulled out her phone at this point and is recording, an expression of glee on her face. Jason is trying to keep himself from laughing. Tim's voice is starting to slur.

"It locates likely suspects' obituaries, so that we'll be able take preemptive action to keep Penguin from performing the binding rituals-"

Jason can't help it. He bursts out laughing, half-collapsing on the back of the chair. Tim looks offrented.

"This is _serious_ , Jason. Statistically, we would be unable to effectively deal with an undead criminal force! This algorithm will let us get them before they're even a threat!"

"I think you need to go to bed, Timmy," Jason gasps out. "That sounds like the plot of B-list movie. Penguin, with _undead bouncers?_ "

"It's a _contingency plan_."

"It's ridiculous."

Tim has clearly had enough. He jumps at Jason, who is laughing too hard to do anything about it.

They're struggling on the floor of the cave when the Batmobile pulls up and Bruce gets out, Damian flagging behind him, and makes a beeline toward the Batcomputer. Tim has just managed to get the upper hand, and is sitting on top of Jason attempting to strangle him.

"Help," Jason yells. "I'm being murdered!"

Bruce pauses, startled. He takes in the scene, a frown on his face. "Tim," he says warningly.

"It's _justifiable homicide_ , Bruce!" Tim's given up on strangling Jason and now appears to be trying to kill him with the intensity of his glare. It's not proving to be very effective.

"When was the last time you slept."

Tim either doesn't hear or doesn't care to answer. Jason finally manages to escape his hold and tries to pin Tim down only to find that he is _extremely_ wriggly. What the hell.

"I think it's been a couple of days," Steph offers helpfully in absence of Tim's response. She still has her phone out, and Jason's pretty sure she's got some very good blackmail material by now.

Tim's wiggled his way to freedom, and somehow flips himself off the floor. He's about to renew his attack on Jason when Bruce appears behind him and picks him up easily. Tim makes a surprised squeak, and goes completely limp.

"Damian, take care of the mission report. I'm putting Tim to bed."

"You can't make me go to bed," Tim says. His voice is muffled. "I'm _emancipated_. I can do what I want."

"Hn," Bruce says, and walks toward the elevator. Tim struggles uselessly for a few seconds before giving up and accepting his fate. Jason thinks he can see the tiniest hint of a smile on Bruce's face as the elevator doors slide shut.

"Well," says Steph. " _That_ was a ride."

The next day Jason gets a text from a number that's he's assuming is Tim's. It's a picture of himself, as Robin, tucked under Batman's cape on the edge of a rooftop. He's grinning, bright and sharp. Bruce's normally stern mouth is curved up into an oddly soft smile.

 _i have more photos and i'm not afraid to use them. u better watch your back._


End file.
